Toni's Journal

HeY...GuEsS WhOsE BaCk...BaCk AgAiN.....
Hey guys..iim finally back... was looking over evrything in mi favorites online n i found mi journal n ealized i havent written in it in awhile...so here i am...

Lets see summer vacation its great...still see all mi friends from school...even saw mi coach/teacher--stone n galka-- on tuesday at garfield high...i didnt expect to see them until sept. o0o0 well whatever they r cool...really busy wit bball n soccer...gunna have a busy summer...

Well yesterday i hungout wit the crew...it was fun we went bowling n then diner n then me gary jenna n mel picked up joe...e drove around for alil while n talked then we all went home...

I was so happy last night bc gary was finally having a good day until harry had to open hes big mouth...i cant understand how somebody so small has such a big fucking mouth...he really pissed me off last night...i gues i really care bc me n gary r so close...but know i feel bad bc gary is pissed again...

Lets see what else...

Mike...well...he doesnt have a gf ne more...we r talking not going out yet but hopefully soon...i think im gunna ask him to go to mi prom i dont htink he would say no to that even if we rnt going out ne more...but i know i am gunna get him back..i love him to much to give up trying...143AAF Mike n Toni 143AAF

Well tomorrow i am going down the shore wit mi whole bball team even dressel is coming...she is taking us to her friends house where there is a built in pool a hot tub the ocean is right there...its gunna b fun...but i have to b at mi school by 7:30....it sux so early but its gunna b fun...

IM OUTTIE

-ToNeS-

UmMmMm No0o0o..???
You're Tairrie B!

The Queen Bitch

LiViN It Up...
Well i haven't written in awhile sorry guys pretty busy...christmas vacation finally started friday at 12:30..lol...so far vacation has been good...the days have usually been going to bball n then hanging out wit mi friends...i think i am done wit mi christmas shooping...but everytime i think i am sone i find out more people get me shit...STOP!...lol...jp....

Thanx Joe for the necklace...i love it...=)
Hope u like ur gift...

Well love life is still thrown up in the sky and it seems like i can't reach it to get it down and settle it...lets see who r my choices...mike..mike..mike...damn
it sux when u know u love someone soo much but dont know how to express i to them again...im gunna get him back...just give me time...n steve is going to help me..=)

Life is pretty damn good though..im having fun and im livin it up.. =)~

LUv YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: BSB- More Than That

NeVeR MaDe It As A WiSe MaN.......ThIs Is HoW U ReMiNd Me...
Hey all...life is all good expect for the guy issues...Mike i dont knwo hwo much more i can deal with this...ur al it hink bout day n night...i just cant get over u not being mine ='(

Besides that note though...yesterday i went to a party...we all got fucked up!...even if u werent drinking or shit just the smell of the weed around u got u high...i dont remember much from last night but i do remember is that i got this kid Jason's #..hes hot as hell..but for some reason dont think e can compare to Mike...he lives in woodridge too..but i dunno...doubt ne thing good will come out of it...

Everything that happens to me or ne thing that happens re minds me of mike and when we were together....i really dont know ha i should do....NO GUY I HAVE EVER MET AFTER MIKE CAN COMPARE TO HIM!!!....it sux too bc i mis him and i know the only thing that ia stopping me from tellin him i want him back everthing to work out is that he has some fucking turtle as a fucking girlfriend...i dont know what i should do though...life sux!!!

LLLLIIIIFFFEEE SSSUUUUUXXXX!!!!!! ='( ='( ='( ='( ='(

ToNeS

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: This Is How You Remind Me- Nickleback

I WiSh I CoUlD SaY ThE SaMe....
Hey all...chillin u...fucking have soo much shit running in mi mind but i cant tell ne one...either seems no one is there wen i need them...cant get in touch with or i really dont feel like talking bout it...i dunno....too mcuh to handle...to much fucking drama...TOM!!!...HELP!!!...

School is okay i guess... i did really good on mi report card...but i dunno...there is a huge ass hole in mi heart that i have realized i have had since the summer...

I wonder what it could b about....o0o0o wait u knw the usual...a fucking guy!...MIKE I WILL ALAYS LOVE U EVEN THOUGH U HAVE A GIRL NOW...I STILL HOPE I WILL SEE U SOON N WE CAN STILL B FRIENDS...IF NE HTING...I ALREADY LOST U AS MI BOYFRIEND I DONT WANT TO LOSE OUR FRIENDSHIP...everynight i think bout him...i would soo tell him too again and again that i still have mad love for him but he has a girl n im n ot like that at all when i dont want to interfer with the relationship...wish i knew what to do...i wish he did have a girl...IF HE WERE ONLY SINGLE!..(Karen remind u of something)...but i am serious...right now no one compares to him i guess it is because he is mi frist love n the only one i loved that way... heelllppp...:'''(

Besides that though...i gt a email from Weaver!....i love him to death....i see him everyday plus we wrte to eachother back and forth....Weaver U R THE BEST!!!

All i want is Mike...i miss the times when we use to hold eachtoher in our arms n fall asleep together...everyone else gets what they want n everyone els has a happy life...but i cant say the same thing...AT ALL...i dunno...i just wish h were mine...Mike i truely, honestly love you!

Luv YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: BSB- More Than That

JuSt AnOtHeR DaY....
Well...what can i say...just another day...i just got home from A&P...had to get some things...with mi mom.....saw blake there....but ne ways...i had baskeball today...It actually wasnt that bad... it was actually fun and i forgot all mi problems...i was sooo happy because as soon as i got there i saw weaver!!!!!
i swear to god i love that guy to death....he si the best guy u can ever meet...do ne thing for u...no matter hat it is...i wish he still worked at mi school..=(

I was really surprised basketball went well today...i even got acouple compliments from mi coach which last year i got shit from her....she told me that i was the best in shape with joella...and she had me show them mi defense...she also said she was "pleasently surprised" with me today...soo mi day went pretty good..

Plus i saw Mike again today..the junior...HELLLLOOOOO!.=)..HE IS REALLY CUTE...i had fun....its all good...

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: Usjer- You Remind Me

It'S FiNaLlY ThAnKsGiViNg....
Well ihavent been here in awhile..sorry people...Happy Thanksgiving...but ne ways i have alot to talk a bout..but before i do that i would like to thank Tom (yes the one with no ass)...lol...u r the greatest n the fact when i was pissed off saturday night u wer there for me n u were the only one who realized something was wrong near the end of the night...i really appreciate it....n the fact u call me ur little sister and u mean it...me n u really got close n i am sooo happy we did...o0o yeah thanks for the sex tips.

Well the reason i was mad was because someone told me something bout someone that i didnt really believe...but i found out saturday night it was true n i though ti knew him better than that n he wasnt liek that...but im not gunna judge him or shit cuz thats wrong but lot of people have been saying shit bout him n i wanna knwo if it was true soo eople kinda mad up shit n it got back to people n shit like that n then he got al pissed n told someone something..i knwo i totally confused u but u had to b there saturday night or else u would have no clue...but tom april phil n harry all know n the best thing is that they agree with me n i should b pissed...

The sad part is that i use to b really close with this person but since i found out shit n i got really pissed at him but im not even up set...i had a long talk with tom about it n he told me not to cry oer ne body especially when it has to do with styupid shit like that...i love you tom!!!...ur the greatest!L

Well enough wit that shit...

Mi dating life...offically isnt going to well...il bout yesterday..when i was walking to the train statin with mi friend n this kid from school named Mike omes up to me goes hey cutie can i have a hug...HE IS FUCKING HOT!...of course he got hes hug....n we r talkin now...hes a junior...TOM JUST LIKE U TOLD ME GO FOR A GUYU A YEAR OLDER THAN ME!...but i dont htink it is going to go ne were but i dont mind just the fact that some one i finally thought was hto thought i was hot too...=)

Tomorrow starts basketball.....HELL!!...i guess it should b okay...even though i have it 11-2...prolly go out with acouple friends after that..thats it...i have no idea yet

Im OuTtIe
LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: Nelly- #1

No IdEa?!?!?
Well...there r a couple of things i will have to talk bout tonight..first off i think i am changing for the worse..n its not good...i know i am changing but no one understands what i am going through...it really sux..i did acouple of bad things this week one today n one aocuple of days ago...n acouple of mi bball friedns found out n r mad at me...they r worried bout me....they r like the only ones that r...i really appreciate but i dunno what to do...n i am scraed to ask mi friends for help....

Family problems Guy problems Bbal problems..from all of this n more...Friend Problems...i am goin to other things for help n they rnt friends n family...i have been soo depressed....i have realized that i have been faking all along n i have to let it all out but it isnt going to b pretty...i dunno no noe is around right now to talk to n i dunno what to do...i have to get out of this house!!!!!!!! its killing me....

Well im out
bye byes
ToNeS

Current Mood: high
Current Music: Nelly #1

I Am NuMbEr 1....DoNt MaTtEr If U LiKe It JuSt TaKe It DoWn AnD WrItE It....
Hey everyone!..well....alot has gone on lately....n some of it sux...life is just kinda confusing right now for alot of people i know....n im kinda joining them...i dunno what i want n life ne more...but the thing is i know im not gunna let it affect the way i act....im not changing for no one like i knwo acouple have done already....im just gunna b miself n i know one day something good is gunna come out of it....i dunno what but hopefully it will change everythng around...=)

Today is goin to b a crazy day...i have basketball conditioning at 3:30 and i hen i am going to mi friend megs house right from there and then we are going to a sweet 16 at 9 at night til 1....it should be cool i guess....hopefully ne ways...all i know is that WEAVER is gunna b there n i love that guy...hes wesome soo im gunna b happy...havent seen him since he lft to teach at a different school only once at a football game....i cant wait to see him today...n today is hes birthday!!so0o0o0 today sould b cool....plus mi friends sweet 16 is black....n i like black guys....so it works for me!! =)

I just hope evrything in my life starts to change for the better...i need a hook up....lol..seriously man....some of mi friends have to turn down guys....n im the one having troubl getting the fucking guys...its dpressing once u think bout it....but i think it will all turn out good at the end....i just have to keep looking n try not to think bout it soo much...u ever know it could happen tonight...hehe...=)

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: #1 - Nelly

I HaVe No IdEa HoW tHiNgS GeT StArTeD...BuT SeRiOuSlY PeOpLe GrOw Up......
Well..it aall started on Saturday night when i hungout with joe blake gary harry n joanna...I WAS NOT ALL OVER JOE!!!!!!...but even if it was...how would that b other peoples business...but the thing that pisses me off was that i wasnt!...im nto ready for a relationship....im still getting over mi ex0boyfriend who i have liked for 3 yrs and counting...longest relationship i ever had...to me no body could change mi feelings for him yet...not ready...wrong for me to do and meant o do to him...

I hate how rumors get started.....just to let everyone know...saturday night was just fun!!....i trhought everybody knew that btu i guess not...people take things to serious...we were all just fooling around!!!...get over it!....it was one night that i actualyl had a good time.....the past couple of months were really hard for me...i just let everything out and had a good time for once...WAS JUST ALL IN FUN!

I guess i would understand where people could get it from...bc i USE to like joe....key word...USE too.....im tellin u im not waiting for ne body ne more....im just trying to have fun...trying to get over mi ex....trying to *EXPERIMENT*...but its kinda hard when people tell me im all over a fucking guy especially when im not!...

Im just trying to clear everything up...im not mad at ne body...trust me im not...but i am also over joe....yea...soo i love to flirt i never knew there was harm in flirting...but just let me have mi fun...seriously....Saturday night was all fun!!....ok...

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: BaHa Men- Who Let The Dogs Out

WorDs CaNt ExPrEsS WhAt I Am FeEliNg RiGhT NoW....BuT Mi HeArT FeElS It....
Well...im really happy all of my other friends lives r going great...i just have to say i guess things just werent meant for other people...i have the worst life around and i know when ne of mi friends read this they will just blow it over like it was noything just like all the other ones...guys i seriously need help...not like mental help or something like that but advice...n no one seems to care...when i kall peple to talk to i get their answering machines or cell ophone turned off or basically no one there for me again...

i will have to say thanx to blake though...he is the only one that cares and i really appreciate that....

everyone else os on with thir life and really dont care what the fuck i think well u know what guys i really dont care either

it like summer ended n everyone is too busy for me...0o00o0o0o0o0o0o well...what a surprise toni gets fucked over again!!!!....all mi friends get what they want n forget bout me in the process...the only people that helped me get through this is....joella blake n steve...steve me and u got really close happy we did too n u do know ur a cutie lol..

OMG ...LIFE REALLY SUX RIGHT NOW...IF NE ONE CAN HELP ME LPEASE COMMENT BACK THIS TIME!!... :0(

LuV YoUs ThAT ActUaLlY CaRe
ToNeS

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: LiKiN PaRk- In The End

WeLl...I ThInK I CaMe To A CoNcLuSiOn...
WOW...havent been here in awhile...but i have something to talk bout....remember that kid mike well...still no call no nothing.....i cam to the conclusion not to wait around for a guy...go out and have fun...and thts just what i might do....screw him if he doesnt even have the guts enough to kall me back...hes a fucking ass...thats usually all the guys i like usually assholes one way or the other...

I refuse to wait any longer...yes i still want him..but not gunnna force him or wait round for him...im gunna hhave mi own fun...mayb i oculd find someone better...cant hold miself doen to someone who i dont even know if he wants me back...SCREW ALL GUYS!!...

Well thats all i basically wanted to say and that im a new toni lol...hopefully im gunna have more fun experimenting rather then wating for a guy to come and like me...ttyl...

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: flirty
Current Music: I Want You Back - BSB

UHHHH....OOOOOOOO
Well to start everything off...im sorry i havent writtin in this thingy very often ne more....i have had too much shit to do...but now everything is piling up again soo i have to let it out....

Well it all started bout a onth ago when i couldnt wait for th stupid St Leos carnival to open bc i always see mi old friends....well i went n boy did i see an old friend....MI OLD BOYFRIEND!....we started talkin n i we were like blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda...n i saw him with hes gf the next day...mi heart sank!... =(

I never thought i knew what love was until the beginning of this month...all the other dates i went on and all of the other crushes or bf's i have had no one could even come close to him....i dont mean to put ne one down with this but hes the one i truely love and want...i dunno how i found it out but i duno what to do now...

I talked to mi mom bout this whole thing n she is toni u r in love....i was like i know!....but he has a girl!...i still say to miself im gunna marry him...all mi friends that were with me at the carnival like joella and meg said he still likes me he was holdiong hes girls hand but staring at me and he was all up on me when hes girl wasnt there...y does all the bad thigns have to happen to me...y cant i ever b happy in life and get what i want....IF I ONLY KNEW WHAT TO DO!

I talked to one of mi closest friends steve about this whole situation n he knows Mike of course thats the main reason i told him...n im tooo scaed to kall him up..soo stee told me to write hima note....soo thats what i did...I LET EVERYTHING OUT ALL MI FEELINGS AND EVERYTHING!....i am sooo scared now to find out what he thinks of it and i dunno what to expect...

I am just hopng for the best right now and i hope everything comes out okay...any advise please let me know i need it!

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: BSB- It's True

I HaVe FaLliNg BiG TiMe
Well today was okay..first off i went to the st leos carnival wit joella n karen...it rocked until i saw <3Mike....

Mike is mi ex boyfriend...longest most serious relationship i have ever had...he has a girlfriend...for 7 months... :''''''(

Everyone says that he still has feeling for me...n he still likes me...thats what mi mom said n thats what joella n karen said...i tried not to look at him bc wen i saw him the day b4 he got me really pissed...soo i was trying to ignore him...but everyone kept telling me that he kept looking at me...dunno what to do or what to think...should i tel him how i feel....i dont want him to chose between me n hes girl...want him to b happy....sooo sad!...all these things r running through mi mind...

es everyone knows how i *liked*...Joe...thast the key word..*liked*...dont like him like i use to ...hes mi bestest firend...thats all i want form him too....dont want to ruin our friendship....but even when i did it was totally different formt he way i liked Mike...

Mike was mi first love...i will always have that speial feeling with him no matter how much i try to forget bout him...

Joe is really cute n sweet...Mike has the same quality btu soemthing different than Joe...i dunno y but i ant ever get rid of him in the back of mi head...no matter how hard i try...or how many other guyus i go after...lol...dunno what to do....mim mom told me that we r gunna get married...*mike n me*....i dunno bout that...but i know i love him to death...now i knwo waht true love is...n i have it with him...

Well im outtie...if ne one has ne ideas on what the fuck i should do Im me or email me please....im soo confused...

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: BSB- How Did I Fall In Love With You

HmMmMmMm....
Well...today was a bad day...i had school...but that wasnt that bad...i saw <3Stone<3..=)..that was good n i met this kid form Ep...hes really hot his name is Steve...=0...then i saw him tonight at the carnival...=0...we talked n everything....i wa in mi glory...hehe...=)

But then i saw Mike....he comes up to me n gives me a hug n a kiss on the cheek...we startd tlaking n i was like yeah soo u dont kall me ne more..=(...n he was like its hard since i got a new girlfriend.... :''''(...i didnt let him see that though...i just said yeah i know what u mean...then i saw him wit hes girl they were holding hands n that just made me thnk of all the memories we had togeher for the longest time....i misss him....i told mi mom i didnt care...but i really do care...i tried to aviod him for the rest of the night bc i was soo sad when i saw him...i never knew i still had this feeling for him...i dunno...HmMmMmM...very upset....mi mom tol dme though he was holdiong hes girls hand but he was checking me out...i duno y but i hoe it was true....n he wants me bc after i saw him i really want him...=(...lol...dunno i guess u never lose feelings to ur first love...

LuV YaS
ToNeS

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: BSB- Dont Want You Back

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